wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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