Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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