it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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