accomplished twins. life is a go
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
