You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
