I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
