So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
