There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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