The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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