I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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