She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
