How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
