He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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