I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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