He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need a beard to bite.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
