maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
