i think i have two assholes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
