what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
