During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
