sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
