Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
