last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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