If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
