i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
