Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
