Your mouth is God's brothel.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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