Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
