Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
