I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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