she told me i tasted like america
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
