i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
