we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
