i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
