tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dicks are not precious.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
