last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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