you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
