I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
