he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
