Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
