I skipped work to stalk him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
