girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
