Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
