he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
