So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
