my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
