i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
