just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
