I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
