My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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