Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
