every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
