I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
