Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
